4.19.21 - poem:

grief has pulled me....
closer to self
closer to heart
closer to the universe.

No matter how hard one may try to run
no matter how hard one numbs
It will visit one day.

Its a strange gift
not a standard gift
not a standard certificate
...and perhaps the one the most educational piece there is in life.

and though grief has felt shattering
like nails are scrapping the walls (a collapsing)
scarring at times...
something bigger awaits on the horizon.
(Very hard to conceptualize in the waves).

It's like the body becomes it's own practitioner...touching inside the parts that need work, attention, healing...and to be released.

I've felt a lot of energy working through my lungs and heart. I've been told that we can store grief and fear in our lungs. And we see the addictions that corporations have placed on it's own people with smoking (one of many)...we see where that damage goes. Smoke - lost of it's own prayer and ritual. Pay attention to the cycles that are happening.

I've been able to break some other patterns in this process...thanks to this initiation.

It's as if there's a collective suppressing of ancestral grief and in this living in this modern world grief. We've lost touch with it...and I understand why it's been pushed away.

It's excruciating....

Yet such an integral piece of being alive here.
‘Death is the crucible to life’

Sometimes we can't see until we grieve.
Sometimes we can't fully feel until we grieve.

It doesn't have to look like anyone else's...each of us has the potential to grow that a unique connection with it.
It becomes like a relationship - and the breath becomes the backbone. The feelings...emotions (a friend put it) are like the sonar to bats...without it they wouldn't be here or nor could they fly.

Fear not to feel.
Fear not to go in.
The undercurrent of this modern world won't share that...and will place as many addictions which will hold it frozen & numb...
hard to say, but numbing and running from it may bring more pain and less life here.

Take courage.
Take health.
Take good care of yourself.

Everything will be alright.

Cheers to another day here.